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Should a Christian use a dating service to find a spouse?

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Question: "Should a Christian use a Christian dating service to find a spouse?"

Answer:

The Bible doesn’t talk about Christian dating services. In fact it doesn’t even tell us how to “date” or “court, ” whichever we call the process we use to get to know a potential mate. In the Bible times, these did not exist in the same form that we see them today. Back then, families helped young women and men meet and become engaged and often chose their children’s mates for them. Today, singles are more on their own to find a mate. Some singles don’t bother to look for a spouse, believing God will bring the person to them, while others are forever on a feverish search for one, fearing they may miss him or her. There should be a balance, as we remember that God is perfectly loving (Ephesians 3:18; 1 John 3:16-18) and perfectly sovereign over every situation, desire and need (Psalm 109:21; Romans 8:38-39). Unless we are rebelling against God, we can be sure that He is not punishing us through our singleness and that He is very likely bringing the right man or woman our way…eventually! God uses our choices, other people, and sometimes even modern technology, to bring about marriages.

Before a Christian single considers any of the “newer” methods of finding a spouse like using a Christian dating service, it’s helpful to consider whether we may be engaging in any self-defeating behavior. Is it possible we are being too picky, looking for the fairy-tale prince or princess, and by doing so, limiting the possibilities of what God may know is best for us and which we have not yet considered? Are we not being picky enough, forgetting that God calls all Christians to marry only other Christians (2 Corinthians 6:14), or are we considering someone who is stuck in a serious, life-altering sin that could endanger the marriage? A Christian man should take the lead in relationships and making sure their relationship glorifies Christ in all things. A Christian woman should let the man take the initiative as the leader God made him to be. And, finally, as believers, we should be able to stand on our own two feet, relying on the Lord to fulfill us rather than feeling a need to be married in order to be whole. Once we have these common struggles sorted out, we can begin to pursue a woman, or be pursued by a man, with an eye towards marriage.

As in all decisions, we should ask God to direct us clearly. It can be difficult to meet single Christian men and women, especially if most of our friends have already married. We can put ourselves in a position to meet other Christians by looking for a church singles group. We may want to volunteer for a cause we care about or join other groups, being sure that we are doing it because we enjoy it, not just because we want to meet as many potential mates as possible. Some people prefer to meet their spouse through friends, family, or in a chance meeting out in the world, and many do just that. But others believe they are limited in the people they meet because of their profession, the size of their city, or the nature of their activities. For these people, it may be wise to consider other methods. Some of the modern methods of finding a mate include internet or online dating, professional matchmaking services, and speed dating. Each has its pros and cons, and none is right for everyone. Before beginning any of these methods, we should begin in prayer, asking God whether it is the step He wants us to take.

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